ACW: Delusions of Our Childish Days 2011

We’re always proud to bring you the good word from Anarchy, but we’re also happy to have it come from a new voice. Sara took a break from writing novels to contribute her first piece here for Dirty Dirty Sheets. TexasAnarchy.com was kind enough to provide us with his amazing photos. See the full gallery here. Enjoy!

The first match of the evening was a pre-show four way tag team match according to my friends who fortunately made it to the show before me. The teams consisted of Evan Gelistico and Pierre Abernathy vs. Rachel Summerlyn and Jessica James vs. the Halloween Crew (Jack-O-Lantern & Black Rocker) vs. Jordan Jensen and JoJo Bravo. According to friends, the team of Gelistico and Abernathy were all kinds of win, including handing Summerlyn and James their asses on a plate.

Thanks to some seriously lax police work in Texas between San Antonio and Austin, I made it to ACW just in time for the first match, a Joshi elimination match between Su Yung (making her ACW debut), Barbie Hayden, Angel Blue and American Joshi Champion Athena. Su Yung submitted, closely followed by Barbie being pinned. The final two contenders, Angel Blue and Athena, kept it up for a while before Athena pinned Blue.

For those who don’t follow ACW Wrestling or any of the company on Twitter, you may not be aware that Anarchy Championship Wrestling suddenly and unexpectedly lost one of its best wrestlers, Cameron “Spiro” Bates, a few weeks ago. After this first match, Jaykus Pliskus and Miss Maulie came out to give a touching tribute to a truly great and kind wrestler. The entire crowd waited in respectful silence during the traditional ten bell salute, and the mood was very somber during Barry the ring announcer’s speech.

The mood lightened slightly for the one fall match between Shawn Vexx and “Too Much Metal” Gregory James. They were in the upstairs part of the bar for a while, and when they returned to the ring, Vexx attempted a submission after two failed pins. That didn’t work, but he finally counted James out in a pin after interference from his teammates on the New Children of Pain (COP 2.0, consisting of Vexx, Jeff Gant and The Lost Boys, Sky de Lacrimosa and Jason Silver). When the new COP started attacking James after the match, Darin Childs and Chris Wolfe (from the original COP) arrived with bats wrapped in barbed wire to chase off the new COP.

This match was followed by an eight-man tag team. First, however, JC Bravo arrived on crutches, having broken his foot in October. He expressed his regret at being unable to wrestle due to his injury, but looking forward to returning in January. Johnny Axxle came out as a distraction during his speech so that Barry Breeze, Bravo’s former Smurf Nation comrade, could jump the injured Bravo. The two members of Anti-Hipster Iconoclast Chris Trew’s stable, The Business, cut a lock of Bravo’s hair. Chingo del Santo, also formerly of the Smurf Nation and Bravo’s former tag team partner from the Legion of Shroom who stabbed him in the back for the U-30 championship title in November, showed up and scared Axxle and Breeze off, though Bravo was not happy at all to see him.

The eight man tag team match proceeded with two teams consisting of Axxle, Ken Carson, Barry Breeze and Mr. B, making his ACW debut, versus Mat Fitchett, Bolt Brady, Big Ricky Romida and Chingo del Santo. The match started out normally, but then after Carson did something that his teammates found offensive, all other seven men jumped into the ring and began kicking and punching him.

Fortunately (for Ken at least), The Takeover arrived in the form of Jaykus Pliskus and Miss Maulie. Maulie removed Carson forcibly from the ring by his ear. Carson’s teammates were left at a definite disadvantage then, and Mat Fitchett pinned Axxle for the win.

The tag team match was followed by a grudge match that Twitter followers of these two not-so-gentle giants have been anticipating for quite some time now: Killah Kash vs. Slim Sexy. Sexy brought the soap he promised, and Kash brought the foul mouth that we’ve all come to expect.

This match surprised me, to be honest. These guys are two of the biggest in ACW, but they seemed to be making an effort to not rely on brute strength alone in the beginning. Rather, they both displayed impressive uses of submissions for the first few minutes of the match. Eventually, Kash got Sexy onto the top rope and dropped him off it, shaking the astonishingly well assembled ring. Even still, Sexy kept fighting until Kash jumped onto him from the second rope, then secured the pin.

After Kash won, however, he seemed to feel a need to continue to prove himself and brought a chair into the ring. He was about to use it when Just Willie arrived and scared him out of the ring.

The next match, for the St. Louis Anarchy championship, featured Evan Gelistico vs. Just Willie. Gelistico started the match by circled the ring with his pants down so everybody present could see his pasty ass. The match started with several athletic throws, made all the more impressive by Willie’s size. (Every show, my friends and I discuss how no matter his size, Willie is an impressive athlete and would be at any weight.)

I had been informed upon my arrival that Gelistico had come out of the closet by kissing one of his male opponents during the pre-show match, and during this match, he continued his journey out in an unfortunate way, by teabagging poor Willie and then humping his ass and head. Gelistico, classy as always, spit in the ref’s face and on his hand.

Finally, Gelistico got Willie into a submission but Willie got a hand on the rope. Gelistico naturally bit that wrist and secured another submission that got Willie to submit, so that Gelistico remains the SLA champ. After that submission, however, Gelistico put Willie into yet another submission hold.

The next match of the evening was one everyone was looking forward to: Davey Vega vs. Gary Jay. Jay had debuted a particularly horrifying 80’s windbreaker at the October ACW show that has quickly become a fan favorite. Vega, however, came out at Delusions with an even more garish windbreaker that definitely won the ugly jacket portion of the competition.

Before their fight began, Vega challenged Jay: Jacket vs. Jacket. If Gary won, he got Vega’s jacket; if Vega won, he would get first contendership for the ACW Heavyweight title (the belt for which Gary had stolen from ACH at a previous show) and the right to burn Gary’s ugly jacket.

The match started very technically—enough so that the ref asked the audience, “Are we doing points here?” The two wrestlers were very evenly matched, enough so that the only way to get the upper hand was when “Showtime” Scot Summers arrived to interfere—costing Vega the match.

The Children of Pain came out next—the new COP, or COP 2.0, featuring Jeff Gant, Shawn Vexx and the Lost Boys Jason Silver and Sky de Lacrimosa. They were followed out by Darin Childs and Khris Wolfe. To everyone’s surprise, before the final member of their trio could arrive, Showtime DDT’d Jeff before the match even began, then left without a word. Donnie arrived, looking confused as usual, and was quickly taken out by Vexx wielding a chair.

This match was an ACW Family Death Match, complete with wrapped presents! As the match unfolded, the audience was treated to a variety of weaponry in those parcels, including a cheese grater, pizza cutter, glass ornaments, a barbed wire bat, a broomstick (sans broom), a stop sign, tacks, cookie sheets and a cutlery set. There may have been more, but I was distracted by the sight of Darin Childs getting duct taped after a particularly fierce blow from the barbed wire bat.

The new Children of Pain would have more accurately been called the Children in Pain for most of the match. They won, in the end, only due to Vexx’s interference.

Following intermission was one of the most anticipated matches of the night: A 6-way Joshi ladder match for the ACW Joshi championship belt, charmingly clipped with a large pink carabiner over the ring, where it had dangled all night. The combatants were Portia Perez, Rachel Summerlyn, Jessica James, Angel Blue, Lillie Mae and Athena (c). There was constant scrambling, with the ladder being knocked over several times—once by Rachel with her tag team partner Jessica on it. Another ladder made its way out from under the ring and both were wielded as weapons at various points during the match. Angel and Lillie both revealed themselves to be terrified of heights, but that didn’t stop them from gamely attempting to get the belt. Athena ended up scaling the ladder (with Angel clinging to the other side) and retrieving her belt handily.

Her teammates from the Submission Squad arrived to celebrate with her, including Gary Jay, who was carrying the ACW Heavyweight belt that he had stolen from ACH. That very same Street Cheetah (as he was named by the birthday boy himself at Showtime’s birthday bash on November 14) came out to get his belt back.

Gary ran, but Pierre Abernathy stuck around and challenged ACH for the ACW Heavyweight belt. ACH pantsed Pierre at one point, but fortunately for the audience he was wearing his usual unitard so we were spared the trauma.

Gary reappeared toward the end of the match in an attempt to help his teammate, but he ended up shoving the belt into Pierre’s face, costing him the match and the title. After securing the pin, ACH called Gary out, saying “If you don’t challenge me, I’ll tap your ugly fucking friend out” and promptly doing so until Gary agreed.

The next match of the night was a tag team match between Showtime/MASADA and JT Lamotta/Plisken. My friends pointed out to me that Matthew Palmer had made a perch on “his” wall of the Mohawk. He was in street clothes, so we weren’t sure if he intended to interfere or if he was just there to… watch. It turned out to be the latter, as the team of JT and Jaykus destroyed itself from within. Each thought they were the better wrestler and knew more than the other, and their vanity kept them from working as a team and handed Showtime and MASADA a fairly easy victory (though not without a fight).

James Claxton and Franco D’Angelo of the Takeover arrived, both having been out due to injuries—Claxton’s leg was still in a brace. They were joined by Ken Carson, who appeared to have joined them as part of the Takeover. D’Angelo proved he’s ready to be back by DDT’ing Lamotta.

The main event of the night was El Generico vs. Robert Evans. The crowd was wild to see Evans back, though there were some cheers for El Generico. Their match was by far the cleanest and most technical. They started with a lot of holds, followed by some very nice acrobatics. Evans won, in the end, in a clean fight.

The crowd had started to sing along to Don’t Stop Believin’ when Portia Perez’s music cut in. She came out and had them cut her music and resume his, at which point, she serenaded him to his own music in the creepiest way possible.

Needless to say, everyone had chills—and not the good kind—down their back when they left.

And that was Anarchy! The end of the year, but not the big finish yet. That will come at next month’s Guilty By Association, the biggest ACW show of them all. See you there! And Merry Christmas!

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